“The eye through which I see God is the same eye through which God sees me; my eye and God's eye are one eye, one seeing, one knowing, one love. If eyes are windows to the soul then tears are Heaven's rain."

when reflecting on my quick morning shoot,

these photographs stood out.

i have always felt a horses eyes were 

deep windows.

almost always appearing mysteriously sad.

and painfully beautiful.

so out of all i captured,

these are the ones

i felt the need to share.

i saw myself in these eyes today.

for a brief moment.

blessings!

shay

Reflections....

as i reflect on 2012,

the fact that i am posting an image of

myself is proof enough

that i've grown and changed in the last year.

i started a new job.

improved my knitting skills.

built a best 'friendship'.

started charging for photography sessions.

got new equipment for my photography.

(camera, lenses, laptop, upgraded editing software)

survived another year of teenagers.

promised myself i would try harder with my marriage, 

improving it as the years change things, as our children become older.

it was a hard year.

but a good year as i reflect upon it.

was does 2013 have in store?

challenge myself with knitting..going beyond the hat and scarf, learning new stitches..and finishing my son's blanket!

building Studio 139:13, our photography business.

hosting a newborn photography workshop.

learning my new Canon, inside and out.

reading more.

blogging more.

getting my RN degree (unless Studio 139:13 soars beyond our wildest dreams)

deep cleaning every room in our home and getting rid of SO much unnecessary stuff!

continue to build my marriage.

help my oldest son find himself and become a man.

help my youngest son continue to grow and mature.

moving mama to PA.

learning to love 'ME'.

so..

not resolutions.

just goals, dreams, wishes.

happy new year!

blessings!

shay

so. i am 41.

i started this blog 30 days before my 40th birthday.

as a challenge.

here i am..

still feeling like i am stuck in this transitional stage.

of life.

i would like to think most people

know who they are by now.

and i have to wonder am i the only one with 

this struggle.

i certainly know who i DON'T want to be.

but fear of the uncertainty,

the unknown,

keeps me stuck in these chains.

i know, when i look back over 2012,

i have made significant changes and accomplished many things towards who/what i know i want to be.

i have a huge support system in my husband, children, mom and best friend.

but learning to believe in 'me' has 

always been hard.

lack of confidence.

lack of belief.

certainly lack of patience.

when will i have the courage to stop flying with the crowd?

and learn to stand on my own 2 feet!

i would like to believe 2012 was year of baby steps and growth.

i want to shout '2013 is my year of incredible change'.

i owe it to myself to seek 'me'.

and as i watch my sons grow into men, i owe it to them.

to show them a confident mother,that no matter what, she pursued her passion in life.

she stood on her own 2 feet, strong and confident.

so these are my last thoughts of 2012 as i ponder the goals i want to set for myself in the upcoming year.

boys..go out there and grab life by it's horns. do what makes you happy. everyday. you are capable of ANYTHING you set your hearts out to do!

blessings!

shay

i remember how hard it was to be 18. so many expectations from the adults around me. to find myself. to make life decisions. to transform from child to adult in a matter of moments. it was a painful time for me. looking back now, i know i made some horrible choices. but i also know i learned from them. became wiser.

now, i am watching my first son go through this transition in his life. and my heart aches for him. the 'mom' in me, wanting to fix it and make it all better for him. 

he is struggling with 'who am i?'

'what am i supposed to be?'

he is experiencing life and making choices.

some that he is regretting. some he is not.

all i can do is be a 'constant' for him.

give advice, whether he wants to hear it or not.

hug him. tell him i love him no matter what.

be there. for him.

always.

stay in constant prayer that he will continue to seek God's will in his life and stay on the path that was formed before he was even born into this world.

Cole..

this time will pass.

you will come out stronger.

you will come out a 'man'.

love you to the moon and back and more than all the stars in the sky!

I'm Here....

haven't been here in months.

excuse after excuse i could give.

but that won't change things.

my son actually brought my lack of blogging to

my attention the other day.

apparently he was looking here while at school.

never thought they really cared.

not now. not at this point in their lives.

but it reminded me that it isn't 'now' that matters.

it's when i am gone that i hope they will come here and find a 

little piece of me.

the good. the bad.

and remember.

to read my words and hear my voice.

to look at my photographs and see what i have seen.

but today is a lonely day for me.

i miss my Dad.

i want my Mom near me.

my boys are becoming men and i am feeling the loss almost daily it seems now.

i miss my husband.

life is busy, so is my best friend.

i never wanted to stand alone in life.

i wanted my children to have a childhood like mine.

loneliness leaves one to much time to think.

to remember.

to reflect.

until the next post...

i promise myself and my boys i will work on that.

shay

Scavenger Hunt Sunday

it's been so long.

not blogging has felt like i lost a friend.

a part of me.

so i called my girl on friday and told her this weeks prompts were a challenge and we needed to 'get back on the horse and ride'! ok, not in those words per say..lol! she may have rode the other way!

 i picked her up and we headed into the city for about an hour.

that's all we needed:-)

enough babble; i need to share my HUNT!

1)meet me at the corner

love the angle and perspective i get with old, rusty iron gates!

2)mother nature meets technology

flower stands made with old..i don't know..parts?

3)one step at a time

high school graduate, my amazing son, starting his future 'one step at a time'!

4)what's wrong with this picture

nothing..in my eyes anyway! loved the purity of queen anne's lace against this rusty old gate. i also loved the angle of this iron fence and the blur of the lilies in the background.

not perfect, but i LOVE them!

5)standing tall

i also love old, TALL, architecture!

lot's of it around here.

so there is our quick HUNT trip to the city for an hour!

hope putting together this post makes me miss blogging even more so i will get back on that horse and ride!

blessings!

shay

the chance to be 'me'

most days i know what is expected of me.

wife, mom, daughter, friend, nurse.

the days run into each other.

years go by.

when i started this blog on my 'verge of turning 40' i knew i was finding 'me'.

trying to discover where my life was going.

and who i wanted to be.

trying to choose my path.

make wiser decisions.

so many things have happened in this past year.

good things.

not so good things.

all in all, many blessings.

to many to list.

i know in my heart of hearts what direction i want my life to go.

the problem is how to make it happen.

my desire, passion, creative vision are all there.

it's just the financial hurdles.

i remember several weeks ago i was on a dinner break at work and just happened to drive by a photographer in the middle of a shoot on the side of the road. surrounded by wildflowers.

i was jealous.

really jealous.

knowing i was on my way back to the paycheck that supports my family.

the much needed paycheck.

but, so totally jealous!

i didn't know her circumstances.

but she looked so happy doing what she obviously loved.

i wanted to be in her shoes.

to jump off my road and take the side road i have not travelled.

i cannot change the 'wife, mom, daughter, friend' part of me.

nor would i ever want to.

but i do want change.

i want to have the chance to be

'me'

shay